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5 Times Kareem Said Wishes He Wasn't a Muslim
Written for the 5 for 6 Challenge. Special thanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
history_gurl for her invaluable support with this piece. Feedback is appreciated.
5 TIMES KAREEM SAID WISHES HE WASN’T A MUSLIM
SILENT NIGHT
In solitary, one day ran into the next, creating an endless blend of routine. Window opens in the morning, window opens for meals, window opens for last count. On and on it went. He got tired of counting the days. Got tired of being alone with his thoughts. Today was different.
He wouldn’t have realized what today was if Father Mukada hadn’t come through the cellblock and momentarily opened the window of his cell.
Christmas. His first inside Oz.
Despite his conversion to Islam, the holiday still retained some of its meaning. If he were on the outside, tonight would have been the night he’d step inside a church, along with members of his family. He’d listen to the Gospel choir sing, pray the prayers, and for a moment, feel as if he belonged in that world. It was one of the few times that he wished he could revert to the faith of his childhood to really feel the celebration in his heart.
For Kareem Said, Christmas was all about community and hope. Tonight, lying on his bed in the tiny cell, he could deal with a little of both.
ALONE
They’d deserted him, left him sitting in the cafeteria while the Aryans looked on and laughed. What had he done but fall in love with a woman and offer to instruct a man in the ways of Allah? Would Allah have barred Tricia Ross and Tobias Beecher from Paradise because of the color of their skin?
There wasn’t room for a God like that in Kareem Said’s life.
He wondered how easy it would be to deny God’s existence. Some men in here had succeeded, but could he? His life had been built around the rituals, the prayers, and the rules and regulations of his faith. Could he abandon that?
He could. As easily as he had been abandoned.
Beecher took him in. He still wanted to learn about God, still believed that Kareem had some knowledge to offer. It was in his heart to tell him that God didn’t exist, but Beecher would find that out soon enough.
That night after lights out, he heard a voice pierce the darkness. It was probably a product of his imagination, but it was the voice he’d wanted to hear for as long as he could remember, a voice he’d prayed to hear. The voice stated simply, “I am with you, Kareem. I am with you.”
Escaping Allah was as impossible as escaping Oz.
THE END OF THE F***ING UNIVERSE
Dancing and chanting with Adebisi in the middle of the Em City common room, Kareem Said felt his spirit experience a joy that he hadn’t felt in ages.
Freedom.
No rules, no regulations. Just a connection to the earth, to his ancestors, and even to his fellow prisoners. He and Adebisi moved in perfect rhythm to the music of the soul. Kareem was happy. This was better than any high he’d experienced.
He caught Arif’s eye. His soaring spirit plummeted once again to earth. Kareem fought to bring it back, to no avail. Time to take on the responsibility for the task ahead.
THE MONASTERY
After Kareem Said had graduated college, he took a year and traveled the world. He was willing to share his theories on the universe to anyone who would listen, including the little man in the Turkish cafe. There was never anyone so in love with the sound of his own voice as Kareem.
Which was why the monks’ invitation to spend a few nights as their guest surprised him. But since his goal was to learn as much as he could during his travels, he gladly accepted. The monks fascinated him. They would spend hours, even entire days without speaking a word to anyone, but they seemed so happy, so at peace with their lives and the world around them. The monastery itself seemed to flow with spiritual energy, more than any place he’d been to before or since. Kareem was drawn to their practices, but he knew that a life of silence was not his calling, so he moved on.
Sitting in his cell, with still an hour to go before lights out and Omar launching into yet another off-key version of “Amazing Grace”, he thought of those monks and envied them. Right now, he would gladly convert to Buddhism if it would mean just a moment of peace and quiet.
DEATH (WITHOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF PAROLE)
He felt the bullet pierce his skin, saw Arif running toward him.
So many things left to do. So many things that hadn’t been experienced. He didn’t want to abandon living for the promise of Paradise. He wanted to come back and start anew, love who he wanted to love, feel how he wanted to feel, do everything that he wanted to do.
In those last seconds of life, Kareem Said wished he were Hindu or some other religion that embraced reincarnation. He wondered if a last minute conversion was possible.
Arif held him as tightly as though the faith itself closed around him. This was the will of Allah. Praise be unto Him.
history_gurl for her invaluable support with this piece. Feedback is appreciated.5 TIMES KAREEM SAID WISHES HE WASN’T A MUSLIM
SILENT NIGHT
In solitary, one day ran into the next, creating an endless blend of routine. Window opens in the morning, window opens for meals, window opens for last count. On and on it went. He got tired of counting the days. Got tired of being alone with his thoughts. Today was different.
He wouldn’t have realized what today was if Father Mukada hadn’t come through the cellblock and momentarily opened the window of his cell.
Christmas. His first inside Oz.
Despite his conversion to Islam, the holiday still retained some of its meaning. If he were on the outside, tonight would have been the night he’d step inside a church, along with members of his family. He’d listen to the Gospel choir sing, pray the prayers, and for a moment, feel as if he belonged in that world. It was one of the few times that he wished he could revert to the faith of his childhood to really feel the celebration in his heart.
For Kareem Said, Christmas was all about community and hope. Tonight, lying on his bed in the tiny cell, he could deal with a little of both.
ALONE
They’d deserted him, left him sitting in the cafeteria while the Aryans looked on and laughed. What had he done but fall in love with a woman and offer to instruct a man in the ways of Allah? Would Allah have barred Tricia Ross and Tobias Beecher from Paradise because of the color of their skin?
There wasn’t room for a God like that in Kareem Said’s life.
He wondered how easy it would be to deny God’s existence. Some men in here had succeeded, but could he? His life had been built around the rituals, the prayers, and the rules and regulations of his faith. Could he abandon that?
He could. As easily as he had been abandoned.
Beecher took him in. He still wanted to learn about God, still believed that Kareem had some knowledge to offer. It was in his heart to tell him that God didn’t exist, but Beecher would find that out soon enough.
That night after lights out, he heard a voice pierce the darkness. It was probably a product of his imagination, but it was the voice he’d wanted to hear for as long as he could remember, a voice he’d prayed to hear. The voice stated simply, “I am with you, Kareem. I am with you.”
Escaping Allah was as impossible as escaping Oz.
THE END OF THE F***ING UNIVERSE
Dancing and chanting with Adebisi in the middle of the Em City common room, Kareem Said felt his spirit experience a joy that he hadn’t felt in ages.
Freedom.
No rules, no regulations. Just a connection to the earth, to his ancestors, and even to his fellow prisoners. He and Adebisi moved in perfect rhythm to the music of the soul. Kareem was happy. This was better than any high he’d experienced.
He caught Arif’s eye. His soaring spirit plummeted once again to earth. Kareem fought to bring it back, to no avail. Time to take on the responsibility for the task ahead.
THE MONASTERY
After Kareem Said had graduated college, he took a year and traveled the world. He was willing to share his theories on the universe to anyone who would listen, including the little man in the Turkish cafe. There was never anyone so in love with the sound of his own voice as Kareem.
Which was why the monks’ invitation to spend a few nights as their guest surprised him. But since his goal was to learn as much as he could during his travels, he gladly accepted. The monks fascinated him. They would spend hours, even entire days without speaking a word to anyone, but they seemed so happy, so at peace with their lives and the world around them. The monastery itself seemed to flow with spiritual energy, more than any place he’d been to before or since. Kareem was drawn to their practices, but he knew that a life of silence was not his calling, so he moved on.
Sitting in his cell, with still an hour to go before lights out and Omar launching into yet another off-key version of “Amazing Grace”, he thought of those monks and envied them. Right now, he would gladly convert to Buddhism if it would mean just a moment of peace and quiet.
DEATH (WITHOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF PAROLE)
He felt the bullet pierce his skin, saw Arif running toward him.
So many things left to do. So many things that hadn’t been experienced. He didn’t want to abandon living for the promise of Paradise. He wanted to come back and start anew, love who he wanted to love, feel how he wanted to feel, do everything that he wanted to do.
In those last seconds of life, Kareem Said wished he were Hindu or some other religion that embraced reincarnation. He wondered if a last minute conversion was possible.
Arif held him as tightly as though the faith itself closed around him. This was the will of Allah. Praise be unto Him.