Me being grammar police the dizziness is too steps behind him two steps and also, He shows his feelings all over he place the place
Okay, now the real feedback
I like the flashback. It's such an ordinary scene, but there's so much weight attached to the idea that it was the last time Billy saw Sean. Two guys, planning something, as though their life wasn't going to change in just a few hours.
Billy's disorientation is very real here, partly the stress of the situation (heck, I get disoriented in hospitals) and partly his condition. Sophie's reaction - she doesn't seem to be too freaked out by the situation - it works for her, but if you intended her to be a little more worried, then one more "Daddy" ought to do it.
Sean puts a hand on Sophie's face. He's all drugged up, looks like, but he pets her and says things in a voice too soft for Billy to hear. Billy imagines that he's telling her he loves her, that he'll never leave her, that he'll never come home from work in a body bag. Billy imagines him telling her lies.
Heartbreaking. But in light of this, Billy's reaction is perfectly natural. He doesn't want Sean to open his mouth and lie to him. And that last line kills me.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 04:06 am (UTC)and also, He shows his feelings all over he place the place
Okay, now the real feedback
I like the flashback. It's such an ordinary scene, but there's so much weight attached to the idea that it was the last time Billy saw Sean. Two guys, planning something, as though their life wasn't going to change in just a few hours.
Billy's disorientation is very real here, partly the stress of the situation (heck, I get disoriented in hospitals) and partly his condition. Sophie's reaction - she doesn't seem to be too freaked out by the situation - it works for her, but if you intended her to be a little more worried, then one more "Daddy" ought to do it.
Sean puts a hand on Sophie's face. He's all drugged up, looks like, but he pets her and says things in a voice too soft for Billy to hear. Billy imagines that he's telling her he loves her, that he'll never leave her, that he'll never come home from work in a body bag. Billy imagines him telling her lies.
Heartbreaking. But in light of this, Billy's reaction is perfectly natural. He doesn't want Sean to open his mouth and lie to him. And that last line kills me.