cmk418 | Unconditional for ralu

ralu_1982 gave me this suggestion as a response to my call for more McManus fic. "A small McManus/Whittlesey story. I'd like it to be awkward, like that time McManus wouldn't go out to dinner with Diane right in front of her daughter." So this is the end result. Surprisingly, my muses rebelled against getting McManus anywhere near this fic, so it's told from Diane's POV (I hope I managed to remotely capture her.)

A disclaimer about the dialogue, since I don't normally do this, but what dialogue there is comes from Tom Fontana & Bradford Winters in the Season Two episode "Family Bizness".

UNCONDITIONAL

Tonight’s the night I ask Tim to come to dinner with us. I talked to DeeDee about it. She seemed a bit curious about him, after all I had told her. At least she knows he’s more than her “mother’s friend from work”, the line that Mom gives her all the time. DeeDee’s a smart girl. She knows what’s up. I basically told her that Tim’s a decent guy. Imagine that. Finally.

He’s heading down the stairs now. Good. For a minute there, I thought I was going to have to go up to his office to do this.

I call his name and get him to stop. I’m suddenly nervous and I don’t know why. Maybe because of DeeDee. It’s hard getting anybody to meet your kid the first time. I can hear myself rambling. I have no idea what I’m saying. Half of me is talking and half of me is wondering what I’ll do if he actually says yes. Did I just give him the logistics of DeeDee’s day care situation? Jesus, Diane, just get on with it.

“I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner tonight. Just the three of us. My treat.”

It seems to take him forever to respond. I breathe a sigh of relief at his “okay.” He really doesn’t know how much this means to me.

For the next couple of hours, I sit up in the tower, eyes on the inmates, mind spinning. The phone rings. It sounds miles away, and then Joey is handing me the receiver.

---------------------------

I brush my hair out, almost violently. Maybe appealing to Tim’s libido isn’t playing fair, but right now, after my discussion with Rick, my femininity is the one weapon in my arsenal that might make this night come off. He can have a nice dinner with DeeDee and me and then I’ll tell him to go fuck himself.

He walks in the locker room. I think my appearance throws him somewhat. Seriously, Tim, did you think I would wear my uniform to dinner? I see him checking out my legs. This might be easier than I thought, but then...

Something in his eyes changes. You sleep with someone; you’re better able to read their expressions. I can see the briefest flash of doubt. Ordinarily I would just cut my losses and go, but I think of my daughter, and I want to make this right in her eyes. Show her that her mom has finally made a decent choice as far as men are concerned.

Of course, the problem with dating a guy like Tim is that I can’t reason with him like I could any other guy. His principles and high-minded ideals make him the man he is. And right now that man is looking at me like I’ve just grown a second head. I’m putting my reasoning out there as fast as I can. Who wouldn’t want someone to save their life?

One foolish man. And I’m staring straight at him. Doesn’t he understand that you can’t stop Scott Ross or another scumbag like him with just a bullet to the kneecap? I’m satisfied with my choice. It had to be done. And I’d do it again.

This whole conversation is beginning to feel like I’ve been slamming my head against a brick wall. Damn it, Tim, why do you have to be so pig-headed? This is insane. Maybe I should just tell him to go before-

“Here’s your mommy.”

It’s too late. There she is – DeeDee. I swear to God, Tim, if you break her heart, you’ll wish Scott Ross had killed you.

I turn her around to face Tim. Maybe she’ll have an impact. Maybe looking into her sweet face, he’ll see that this is the right thing to do. Look at her, she’s so innocent, you can put up with me for a couple of hours just for her sake.

DeeDee leans back into me. I can tell she’s picked up on the tension. I don’t want her to have to deal with that all night. Watching your mom’s soon-to-be-ex casting accusing looks across a dinner table is not the way I pictured this evening. And suddenly, I don’t want it anymore.

I do the only thing I can. I give him an out, knowing he’ll take it. Maybe Tim is finally living in my world, doing what he feels has to be done, instead of what should be done.

As he leaves, I place a hand on DeeDee’s head, smoothing out her hair. My heart breaks for her a little, but maybe this is one of those things she needed to learn – only a mother’s love is unconditional.