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cmk418R for language
529 words
Written for the weekend challenge at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
1_million_words for the prompt: “Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.”
Dignam hated the mall. More specifically, he hated the mall parking lot at Christmastime. It showcased the worst of humanity. (One would think by now after years of working for the Staties, he’d have seen the worst of humanity, but some people became so much uglier in the so-called season of joy.) He went against his better judgment and let Queenan talk him into participating in the holiday gift exchange this year, and, of course, he drew Ellerby’s name. He had no clue what to get the pretentious jackass. Queenan had suggested a tie, which seemed lame enough for it to be perfect for Ellerby.
Were these assholes ever going to stop shopping and get their cars? He could have done things the easy way and parked at the far end of the lot and walked a bit further to get to the mall (and yes, he did realize that he might have been done with his shopping ten minutes ago if he’d have done that). But it was fucking cold outside and he didn’t feel like walking any more than he had to.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. The guy driving in front of him had gotten lucky enough to spot an elusive pedestrian and was now following the walker at a snail’s pace right down the center of the aisle, not leaving any room for Dignam to maneuver his Dodge past the other car.
“It’s not the star you’re following toward Bethlehem, you asshole!,” Dignam yelled as he laid on the horn, trying to get the car in front of him to move faster. It didn’t budge, instead the car in front of him stopped completely and the driver had turned the emergency flashers on. Dignam thought about throwing his car into reverse, but a line of cars had filled in behind him. “Damn it,” he yelled, slamming his hand against the steering wheel. He watched as the shopper loaded and arranged half a dozen bags into the trunk and nearly felt compelled to get out and help in order to hurry things along. Finally, the bags had been packed and the driver got into the car, only to get out a few seconds later and retrace his steps back toward the mall. Dignam flipped him off as he passed. A horn sounded behind him, signaling the departure of the lead car. Dignam held up his hand in a one-finger salute to the driver behind him.
This was too much. Horns sounded, pedestrians darted in and out from between parking spaces as they headed toward the mall, and cars traveled the wrong way down some of the lanes even though there were arrows and the distinct slant of the parking spaces that would indicate to a blind man the direction of movement. Dignam felt trapped in some special circle of hell solely designed for people who got involved in Secret Santa gift exchanges.
Fuck the tie. Dignam decided to vacate the lot, go to the nearest gas station, and buy Ellerby twenty scratch-off lottery tickets. With any luck, the bastard would win big and get out of Dignam’s hair. That would make it a Merry Christmas for everybody.
529 words
Written for the weekend challenge at
1_million_words for the prompt: “Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.”Dignam hated the mall. More specifically, he hated the mall parking lot at Christmastime. It showcased the worst of humanity. (One would think by now after years of working for the Staties, he’d have seen the worst of humanity, but some people became so much uglier in the so-called season of joy.) He went against his better judgment and let Queenan talk him into participating in the holiday gift exchange this year, and, of course, he drew Ellerby’s name. He had no clue what to get the pretentious jackass. Queenan had suggested a tie, which seemed lame enough for it to be perfect for Ellerby.
Were these assholes ever going to stop shopping and get their cars? He could have done things the easy way and parked at the far end of the lot and walked a bit further to get to the mall (and yes, he did realize that he might have been done with his shopping ten minutes ago if he’d have done that). But it was fucking cold outside and he didn’t feel like walking any more than he had to.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. The guy driving in front of him had gotten lucky enough to spot an elusive pedestrian and was now following the walker at a snail’s pace right down the center of the aisle, not leaving any room for Dignam to maneuver his Dodge past the other car.
“It’s not the star you’re following toward Bethlehem, you asshole!,” Dignam yelled as he laid on the horn, trying to get the car in front of him to move faster. It didn’t budge, instead the car in front of him stopped completely and the driver had turned the emergency flashers on. Dignam thought about throwing his car into reverse, but a line of cars had filled in behind him. “Damn it,” he yelled, slamming his hand against the steering wheel. He watched as the shopper loaded and arranged half a dozen bags into the trunk and nearly felt compelled to get out and help in order to hurry things along. Finally, the bags had been packed and the driver got into the car, only to get out a few seconds later and retrace his steps back toward the mall. Dignam flipped him off as he passed. A horn sounded behind him, signaling the departure of the lead car. Dignam held up his hand in a one-finger salute to the driver behind him.
This was too much. Horns sounded, pedestrians darted in and out from between parking spaces as they headed toward the mall, and cars traveled the wrong way down some of the lanes even though there were arrows and the distinct slant of the parking spaces that would indicate to a blind man the direction of movement. Dignam felt trapped in some special circle of hell solely designed for people who got involved in Secret Santa gift exchanges.
Fuck the tie. Dignam decided to vacate the lot, go to the nearest gas station, and buy Ellerby twenty scratch-off lottery tickets. With any luck, the bastard would win big and get out of Dignam’s hair. That would make it a Merry Christmas for everybody.
