“You don't turn seven everyday, right?” He'd asked, pulling his shirt off. Billy watched him and tried to remember if it had always felt this easy, watching Sean, watching any guy. He had this impression that caution had counted more than anything else in the before times, whatever he was looking at. Sean had been built, once upon a time, he'd seen pictures, and it had fallen away to a skinny tautness, whipcord strong.
“Can't we just hire a clown, or something? Barney, maybe?”
“Sophie hates Barney,” Sean said, yanking on a pair of flannel pants, goosebumps rising on his arms. “Fuck, I hate fucking Barney. Sophie never liked Barney and she's scared of clowns.”
“We could-” No Chuk E Cheese's, no McDonalds. No parties, but Billy had to remember to arrange something with Sophie's class. Buy a cake and some shit like that. “I don't know.”
Sean grabbed a t-shirt and pulled it on as he climbed under the covers. He pulled at Billy until they were wrapped up in each other, until Sean was wrapped aroudf him like an octopus.
“Forget it,” he muttered, and reached out, turning off the light. “We'll think of something.”
Billy's hand tightens on Sophie's as they turn the corner. His shoelaces are too tight and his feet are choking. There's a purple line running around the hospital walls and he tries to follow it as they move, but eventually it starts to change colour and he loses it. He feels like he's been turned around too many times and the dizziness is too steps behind him, waiting for him to sit down.
“Here.” Addario stops outside a room with a blue door and turns the knob.
Billy hasn't held his breath for a long time, at least since the last time he took Sophie to the pool and slipped under the water with her. It's a surprise when he breathes in again, like he'd forgotten how.
Sean looks small, tiny against the white bed and white bandages. There's no nurse, no doctor, no one to tell them what happened, or how bad it is. Just a bed and Sean, lying there like he's asleep.
“Daddy!” Sophie lets go of Billy's hand and runs to the bed, shoving Sean a little when she gets there. “Daddy?”
Sean moves his head, shakes it a little as his eyes open and Billy feels himself sag against the door handle. Addario glances back, concern creasing his forehead and reaches out.
“Sergeant?”
“I'm fine.” Billy snaps, pulling himself up, and watches Addario jump back, looking hurt. He shows his feelings all over he place and one day it'll get him trouble.If he does it around Billy much more, he'll get trouble from Billy.
Sean puts a hand on Sophie's face. He's all drugged up, looks like, but he pets her and says things in a voice too soft for Billy to hear. Billy imagines that he's telling her he loves her, that he'll never leave her, that he'll never come home from work in a body bag. Billy imagines him telling her lies.
“Hey.”
Sean holds his other hand out to him. Billy watches the bandages on his arm pull and sees Sean's lips lose a little colour.
“You fucking asshole,” he snaps and turns on his cane, following a blue line down the hallway, trying not to let it blur beyond recognition. .......................
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 02:56 am (UTC)“Can't we just hire a clown, or something? Barney, maybe?”
“Sophie hates Barney,” Sean said, yanking on a pair of flannel pants, goosebumps rising on his arms. “Fuck, I hate fucking Barney. Sophie never liked Barney and she's scared of clowns.”
“We could-” No Chuk E Cheese's, no McDonalds. No parties, but Billy had to remember to arrange something with Sophie's class. Buy a cake and some shit like that. “I don't know.”
Sean grabbed a t-shirt and pulled it on as he climbed under the covers. He pulled at Billy until they were wrapped up in each other, until Sean was wrapped aroudf him like an octopus.
“Forget it,” he muttered, and reached out, turning off the light. “We'll think of something.”
Billy's hand tightens on Sophie's as they turn the corner. His shoelaces are too tight and his feet are choking. There's a purple line running around the hospital walls and he tries to follow it as they move, but eventually it starts to change colour and he loses it. He feels like he's been turned around too many times and the dizziness is too steps behind him, waiting for him to sit down.
“Here.” Addario stops outside a room with a blue door and turns the knob.
Billy hasn't held his breath for a long time, at least since the last time he took Sophie to the pool and slipped under the water with her. It's a surprise when he breathes in again, like he'd forgotten how.
Sean looks small, tiny against the white bed and white bandages. There's no nurse, no doctor, no one to tell them what happened, or how bad it is. Just a bed and Sean, lying there like he's asleep.
“Daddy!” Sophie lets go of Billy's hand and runs to the bed, shoving Sean a little when she gets there. “Daddy?”
Sean moves his head, shakes it a little as his eyes open and Billy feels himself sag against the door handle. Addario glances back, concern creasing his forehead and reaches out.
“Sergeant?”
“I'm fine.” Billy snaps, pulling himself up, and watches Addario jump back, looking hurt. He shows his feelings all over he place and one day it'll get him trouble.If he does it around Billy much more, he'll get trouble from Billy.
Sean puts a hand on Sophie's face. He's all drugged up, looks like, but he pets her and says things in a voice too soft for Billy to hear. Billy imagines that he's telling her he loves her, that he'll never leave her, that he'll never come home from work in a body bag. Billy imagines him telling her lies.
“Hey.”
Sean holds his other hand out to him. Billy watches the bandages on his arm pull and sees Sean's lips lose a little colour.
“You fucking asshole,” he snaps and turns on his cane, following a blue line down the hallway, trying not to let it blur beyond recognition.
.......................