Favorite OZ Quotes - Seasons 1-3

[cmk418]

Compiled for the OZ Halloween Grab Bag

Quotes courtesy of the following writers - Tom Fontana, Sean Jablonski, Bradford Winters, Debbie Sarjeant, and Sunil Nayar

Just as a warning, there might be a wee bit of profanity. This is OZ, after all. ENJOY!

Season One

Groves is a demented sociopath without a scoche of remorse. He ate his parents, he killed ‘em, carved ‘em up and he ate ‘em. What the fuck are you gonna do with him?
I’m gonna teach him table manners. – Leo Glynn and Tim McManus regarding Donald Groves

How ironic! To finally be an equal in a place where I do not have the freedom to enjoy it. – Kareem Said

He ain’t gonna be in EmCity. He’s gonna be somewhere over the rainbow. – Joey D’Angelo regarding Ryan O’Reily.

You and me, lasagna boy, side by side every single day for the rest of our lives. – Ryan O’Reily to Dino Ortolani

When you ask me like that, I can’t deny you anything. – Vern Schillinger to Tobias Beecher

I only ate my mom. I was saving my dad for Thanksgiving.
That’s festive. – Donald Groves and Lenny Burrano

Even Jesus had supper.
Yeah and right after, he was betrayed and crucified.
I’ll try not to take that personally – Leo Glynn and Tim McManus

God comes to visit me once in a while. Actually he comes more often than I’d like. But what can I say, that I’m busy, that I’m in the shower? He knows. – Bob Rebadow

Catholicism is nifty? – Ray Mukada to Donald Groves

So you’re actually eating his flesh and drinking his blood?
That’s right
Now how could I not get behind a religion like that? – Donald Groves and Ray Mukada

Adebisi, ends in ‘I’. Sure you’re not Italian? – Nino Schibetta

How d’ya keep that hat on your head? Velcro? – Nino Schibetta to Simon Adebisi

This is my tooth. It was in my head. This tooth and I’ve been together since we were kids. – Donald Groves

Growing up and going to St. Pat’s, I never had a nun like you. Ryan O’Reily to Sister Peter Marie

Salami I like ‘em. – Donald Groves, giving Kareem Said his version of Muslim

Reality’s hard for you, isn’t it, McManus? – Lenny Burrano

You know what I’m wondering. What if Vern doesn't get out? What if when he comes up for parole, he gets into a brawl. A knock-down, drag-out with his old roomie? What if every time he comes up for parole Vern gets into some ugly incident and has to serve his entire sentence. And his two sons... they become monsters. That's what I'm wondering about. Prag. – Tobias Beecher to Vern Schillinger

Season Two

I’m like the Lord of the Fucking Dance. I got moves. – Ryan O’Reily

I’m going to see to it that you never leave Oz. You hear me, sweatpea. Never. Ever. – Tobias Beecher to Vern Schillinger

You know who I think is sexy. Sister Peter Marie. – Tobias Beecher

Don’t nothin’ rhyme with Nigeria. – Poet

No offense, no offense, but drop fucking dead. – Miguel Alvarez

So you a fag?
No, you?
I do what I have to. – Christopher Keller introducing himself to Tobias Beecher

This is real? Pre-bunny syndrome? – Bob Rebadow

Don’t make me use this. You wouldn’t want me to enjoy myself, would you? – Diane Wittlesey to Vern Schillinger

Am I well enough to die? Healthy enough to execute? – Shirley Bellinger

No one will ever love me as much as Ryan O’Reily and I have to live with that fact every day for the rest of my life. – Gloria Nathan

Season Three

Why don’t you throw some ground glass in his food like you did Nino Schibetta? He’s still dead. – Poet

If you’re trying to piss me off, you’re succeeding. – Leo Glynn

Swear, promise, take an oath, make a vow. Go fuck yourself. – Tobias Beecher to Christopher Keller

Fuck you, you fuck. – Christopher Keller to Tobias Beecher

Life plus forty fuckin’ years, Gloria. All for you. – Ryan O’Reily to Gloria Nathan

These guys bet on everything from the Super Bowl to tic-tac-fucking-toe. – Tim McManus

This isn’t Burger King. You can’t ‘have it your way’. – Tim McManus

How many times a day can a guy jerk off? – Christopher Keller

I spent seven years in Soviet gulag. This place is cake. – Nikolai Stanislofsky

Well, I admit, metaphorically it fits. He stabbed me in the back, so I stabbed him. But I didn’t. I wish to Christ I had. Of course, if it’d been me… you’d be dead. God speed. – Vern Schillinger

When I hit Kathy Rockwell, when I knew I had taken her life I was full of remorse, full of self-loathing because I hadn't intended to kill her. But Metzger. Oh. That was sweet. You know what else was sweet -- sticking that shank in your back. – Tobias Beecher to Christopher Keller

Never considered that, did you? That it was me standing in the dark in that storage room watching you stack copying paper. And then, boom, boom, baby. - Tobias Beecher to Christopher Keller

Little Andrew is going to be as safe as if he was in his mother’s arms. – Tobias Beecher

She was fired because she was incompetent, not because I didn’t want to fuck her anymore. – Tim McManus, regarding Claire Howell

When life is good, it’s better not to question why. - Nikolai Stanislofsky

Years ago, Nino Schibetta taught me how to play this game - pinocchio. – Simon Adebisi

All women is bitches. All women. Bitches. – Kenny Wangler

Happy birthday to me. Happy motherfucking birthday to me. Happy birthday-
-to Kenny. Happy birthday to you. – Kenny Wangler and Simon Adebisi

I tried to chat with him during dinner. He sat there frozen like the tundra – he scares the living shit out of me. – Agamemnon Busmalis regarding Yuri Kosygin

I wouldn’t mind a four-way with Nooter and Pecky. – Tobias Beecher

I like being in the same room with you, Sister. You give good aura. – Christopher Keller to Sister Peter Marie

You know we’ve got a little saying in this country, maybe you’ve heard it before. ‘You can’t shit a shitter.’ – Ryan O’Reily

Now she’s the right type for the S.O.R.T. team. – Ray Mukada regarding Claire Howell

I enjoy sex, don’t you? – Christopher Keller to Sister Peter Marie

He was like a father to me. Well, more like an uncle. – Chucky Pancamo regarding Antonio Nappa

Season’s Greetings, Fuckwad. – Claire Howell

More important than money? He’s in his loco mode again. – Raoul Hernandez regarding Simon Adebisi

Up and down. Life in Oz. First I was king, then I was loony, now I am king again. – Simon Adebisi to Kareem Said

Comments

[roguemarch.livejournal.com]

Oz has the best quotes in all TV history, that was one of the reason the show hooked me up (well that and the chance of occassional male nudity;))

[cmk418]

For it being such a violent show, there are so many little moments of humor in it. That's what has always got me.

(But anytime Ryan O'Reily wanted to jump out of that top bunk, I was okay with it)

[ozsaur.livejournal.com]

Reading these quotes put a big smile on my face. Oz has the best quotes of any show ever.

[cmk418]

The writers and actors on this show did such a good job creating some unforgettable moments. I still get chills thinking about Adebisi singing "Happy Birthday" to Wangler or crack up during the confessional scene between Mukada and Groves or smile real big when Toby confesses all to Chris at the end of "Legs" (and his little sigh at the end of that episode, while not being technically dialogue, is probably my single favorite moment in the entire series.)

[aguardente.livejournal.com]

Ah, what a great job! The quotes from Oz are truly magnificent, there's irony, there's philosophy and damn, they are perfect in their simplicity.

[cmk418]

Well, the writers made it easy to compile the list. That show had so many great lines. And there could have easily been many more.