cmk418: (Murphy)
[personal profile] cmk418
Title: Susanne (like Gloria, it's not what you think, and there's no way I'd go there)
Pairing: Ryan O'Reily/Sean Murphy
Warnings: Language, not much beyond that
Word Count: 1844 (very dialogue heavy & there's quite a bit of set up)

To see the previous installments click the link of your choice:
Prologue
The Cat in the Hat (Adebisi)
Gloria (McManus)
The Dance (B/K)



Suzanne

Ryan lay in bed staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t get it. Had he completely lost his touch?

Yesterday had started off like any other. Morning count, typical kitchen stuff, a little business, and then, the best time, spending an hour with his mom and Cyril at Cyril’s singing lesson. He loved having his mom here. She seemed to make everything better just with her presence. It was nice having someone looking after him, the way he looked after Cyril.

Which made him wonder – who was looking after her?

Ryan moved to sit next to her at the piano bench as Cyril continued his off-key rendition of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” for the seventeenth time.

“Good, Cyril,” said Suzanne. Ryan loved her all the more for her ability to not roll her eyes at his brother’s singing.

“Mom?” Ryan asked. Suzanne continued to play as she turned her head to look at him. She smiled.

“Don’t suppose you want a turn.”

Ryan shook his head. “Do you have a boyfriend or something?”

Suzanne stopped playing. “Are you sure you want an answer to that?”

“As long as your answer doesn’t include the name ‘Tim McManus’, I’m cool.”

Suzanne laughed. “It doesn’t, and no, I don’t. I don’t have the time for a boyfriend, and actually I enjoy being single.”

“No one likes being alone, Mom.”

“I’m not alone. I’ve got you. And Cyril.”

“Yeah, but-“

“That’s good enough for me, Ryan.”

Ryan knew his mother’s words were supposed to make him feel better, but in some ways, he felt worse. He didn’t want to be a barrier to his mother finding happiness. There had to be some way he could help.

*********************

In their pod that night, Ryan talked about it to Cyril. “We’ve got to find Mom a date.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because when she leaves this place, she’s all alone. She needs somebody to take care of her.”

“Not like Dad.”

“Fuck, no.”

“Someone nice.”

“Yeah, Cyril. Someone nice.”

The problem was he didn’t have a lot of control over the situation. From his pod, the list of possibilities for consideration was minimal. But as he was drifting off to sleep, his mind seized upon the perfect candidate.

********************

This morning, he had put his plan into action. It was fairly easy to do. The guy seemed to be always around. Sure enough, he caught him as he walked through the kitchen.

“Officer Murphy,” Ryan called out. He stopped loading the meal cart and hurried over to stop Murphy before he left.

“Something on your mind, O’Reily?”

“I need a favor.” Ryan wasn’t usually this direct, but this time it was different.

Murphy gave him a half-smile. “Lemme guess, you suddenly need to go to the infirmary.”

“No.”

Now Murphy looked intrigued. A favor that didn’t involve the good doctor was rare as far as Ryan was concerned. “What’s the favor?”

“My mother.”

“Excuse me?”

“She needs a date.”

“Date for what?”

“It’s not for anything.” Ryan explained.

“You want me to find somebody to date your Ma?” Murphy asked, both amused and confused by O’Reily’s request.

“Not exactly.” Ryan was getting exasperated. This was not going according to plan. “Look, I notice that you stop by a lot when me and Cyril are in rehearsal.”

“You notice that.” Murphy was smiling now.

“So I guess you think my mom is pretty or something. And you’re the only guy in here I trust.”

Murphy gave him the oddest look, then replied. “Thanks, I think. But as for dating your Ma, I can’t.”

Ryan stared at him as he walked away. Could it be possible that he read Murphy’s attentions wrong?

Redding called him, “Back to work, O’Reily.”

********************

That afternoon, Suzanne walked in on him in the computer room as he was looking at matchmaking sites on the web.

“Ryan.”

Ryan minimized the screen as quickly as he would a porn site.

“We need to talk,” she continued.

“Oh. Sure.”

Suzanne sat down in the chair next to him. “Officer Murphy told me what you were trying to do.”

Fuck. Murphy had ratted him out. “Are you pissed at me?”

Suzanne covered both of his hands with her own. “No, no. I think it’s very sweet. But, Ryan, this is something I’ve got to do for myself.”

“I just don’t want you to wind up with someone like Dad.”

“That won’t happen. You’ve got to trust me.”

“I trusted Murphy, and look how that turned out. He really shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Whatever made you think that Sean and I should date?”

“Well, he’s a decent guy. And he’s always around.”

“Did you think maybe there was another reason for that?”

Ryan shrugged, “Like he was protecting you? But I’m there. He’d know you’d be safe with me.”

Suzanne shook her head, looking at him like she sometimes looked at Cyril during rehearsal. “You’ll figure it out. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

Both conversations were what left Ryan in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He prided himself on being one step ahead of everybody else. He had to be - it was the only way to survive. But on this one, his mother seemed to be better able to read Murphy than he was. Maybe she saw something that he missed, that he didn’t want to see.

And then it clicked. The reason Murphy was always around, not to see his mother, but to see-

Holy fuck.

His body seemed to go through a hundred different reactions all at the same time. His heart rate sped up, his breath caught, his body felt weightless, and he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face. It was far from the reaction that he thought he should have when a guy seemed to be interested in him. But this was Murphy. With Murphy, it was just... different.

********************

Oddly enough, for a guy that was always around, the next day, Murphy was nowhere to be seen. Ryan looked for him, at morning count, during work in the kitchen, during rehearsal time with Mom, but the C.O. didn’t appear. Ryan was about to resign himself to the fact that he’d fucked everything up, when he and Murphy crossed paths on the stairs.

“Hey, Officer Murphy.”

Murphy gave him a polite nod, then continued on past, Ryan turned and followed him. “You need something?” Murphy asked. “Don’t tell me. Your grandmother needs a date.”

“Hey, look, I’m sorry about that. I just didn’t realize...”

The admission stopped Murphy in his tracks so quickly that Ryan nearly slammed into him.

“O’Reily, what’re you doing to me?” Murphy sighed, then spoke so low that Ryan wouldn’t have caught it if he hadn’t been standing so close. “Follow me.”

Ryan trailed behind Murphy out into the corridors beyond EmCity. Murphy unlocked one of the storage rooms and waited for Ryan to go inside. He flipped the lights on and then closed the door securely behind him. Ryan glanced around at the random assortment of furniture stockpiled in the room, then turned back to Murphy.

Murphy stood with his back to the door, arms crossed in front of him. “Is there something you need to say to me?”

Ryan shuffled in place for a moment before moving back toward Murphy. “Maybe just thank you, you know. You’ve been really great with me and Cyril since you got here. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for us. Most hacks in here don’t give a shit, but you’re different. If there’s ever anything I can do for you... Anything.”

Ryan stopped so close to Murphy that their feet touched. “You’re different. You... care.” And then Ryan closed his eyes and pressed his lips against the other man’s. It was tentative, a testing of the waters. Did kissing another man automatically make you a fag, he wondered. Not that he’d have to worry about Murphy ever saying anything. One thing did worry him – Murphy hadn’t responded.

Ryan pulled away, opened his eyes, and took in Murphy’s shocked expression. “Please don’t hate me,” Ryan whispered.

Ever so slowly, Murphy reached up and touched Ryan’s face. “That won’t happen.” He leaned in, touching his lips to Ryan’s, drawing Ryan further into his embrace. Ryan couldn’t remember the last time somebody had kissed him, really kissed him. He couldn’t count Gloria; she was merely reacting to his kiss. Shannon, probably. Back in the beginning when it was all wild and wet and they weren’t fighting all the time.

He loved the feeling of being held, so tightly and securely. He loved the taste of Murphy’s mouth, the sweep of his tongue over Ryan’s lower lip before gently venturing inside. Tongues tangled with each other, as the kissing became more passionate, more desperate. Neither man wanted this moment to end. Neither wanted to be the first to break the kiss. But when Ryan’s hands trailed down to the front of Murphy’s pants, Murphy let go.

“Ryan, stop.”

Feeling the sting of rejection, Ryan turned away from Murphy. “Guess I moved too fast.”

Murphy laughed. “It took us two years to do anything. No one’s going to be accusing either one of us of breaking any speed laws.”

“So why did we stop?”

Murphy moved further into the room to stand in front of Ryan. “I care about you. That’s not going to change. But I’m a C.O. and you’re a prisoner. And that’s not going to change either. You’re going to have to watch me go home and I’m going to see those doors close between us night after night. There’s no getting around it. It’s something I’ve accepted for a long time, because I never expected... this. But there’s nothing I can change about this situation to make it, to make us, a possibility.”

“So it just ends.” Ryan said flatly, looking at the floor.

“It has to, Ryan. Just know that I want for you, the same thing you want for your Ma. Someone to look after you.”

“You want me to be somebody’s prag.”

“No. No. I want you to be cared about, to have someone to watch over you, like you watch over Cyril.”

“That is being a prag, Officer Murphy.”

Murphy reached out and touched Ryan’s face. “Or maybe it’s love.”

Ryan gave a little laugh. “Not much difference, is there?”

Murphy put an arm around his shoulder and steered him toward the door. “C’mon, let’s get you back to EmCity.”

Ryan hesitated. Once they stepped through that door, everything would go back to normal. He’d be dancing that endless dance to stay one step ahead of everybody else. Murphy would do what he could, as would his mom, but in the end it all came down to Ryan looking out for himself. Maybe for just a little while longer, he could stop worrying about that next step.

“Sean?” Ryan whispered, bringing Murphy up short. Ryan turned the C.O. to face him. “Five more minutes?”

Murphy nodded once and Ryan stepped into his embrace. The next step could wait just a little while longer.

Next

Date: 2006-11-20 04:19 am (UTC)
ext_2328: (oz zen adebisi)
From: [identity profile] history-gurl.livejournal.com
Oh ... my ... god!

I just ... I can't ... there's so much ... and then ... with the kissing ... and the strength ... and the caring ... and the LOVE!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!

You have made me commit ellipsis abuse. And I love you so much for it.

That was simply fantastic. You have such a deft O'Reily voice. His confusion over being a step behind, and then his hesistance to go back out and try to be a step ahead. My freaking lip wibbled over this.

I wish I could be more coherent, but this is simply the best I can do. Now, finish the last one so I can go over to the rapsheet and write a fawning fangirly rec and make everyone come read it.

Date: 2006-11-20 08:11 pm (UTC)
sandrine: (OZ)
From: [personal profile] sandrine
It took me a while to get behind the concept of this softer, more honest side of Ryan, but once I did, I really enjoyed this. Murphy would probably be one of the very few people he'd allow himself to be so open with, and you captured that perfectly!

Date: 2006-11-20 11:38 pm (UTC)
sandrine: (McManus/Said)
From: [personal profile] sandrine
When you have the link to the other one, could you please send it to me? *curious*

Suzanne

Date: 2007-07-09 07:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] michele659.livejournal.com
This is so beautiful I could cry,seriously.I feel for Ryan,lonely and needing someone to love him.Forgetting what it was like to be held securely,and kissed tenderly.That was wonderfully descriptive,as was the description of the kiss itself.
I always liked stories about Ryan and Sean.I was sorry the series never explored that possibility,instead of focusing on the Gloria obsession.

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